This week was an unplanned experiment to see how I can cope with about 60% of my normal sleep. Official results are still pending but I can say for sure, it wasn’t pretty!
I started the week with about 5 hours sleep, getting up at 4:30am on Monday morning to leave the boys to Belfast airport to get a 7am flight to Manchester and meet up with Catriona and the others. The original plan was that all of them would go together on the Sunday but the scheduling of the first (and unfortunately, disappointing) Championship game on Sunday afternoon required a change of plans for the two boys.
I had scheduled myself to work in and around Belfast that day but the early flight meant I still had two hours to fill before I would be welcome in any shop. I managed to fill part of the time with a giant sausage and bacon bap that almost made up for the early start.
Not my photo. Mine didn’t survive long enough!
I got through the day surprisingly well but it was a very long drive home from Belfast that afternoon that required more than one short power nap to avoid the noddies! No surprise, I was in bed early that night.
Tuesday evening I somehow managed to get out for the Club Spin. The longer spin was also the fastest group and way out of my league so I was happy to go with the shorter 40km group. Still a good bit of climbing involved.
Catriona and the boys were due back that night. When their flight was delayed by 30-40min I offered to go collect them from Lifford, saving my sister in law at least half an hour on the journey home. I figured I wouldn’t sleep until they got home anyway.
Getting to bed at 1am my brain went into overdrive and it was about 3am by the time I was asleep and back up again at 7am. Unfortunately, my scheduling wasn’t as good this time and Wednesday was my long day of the month with visits in Ardee, Drogheda and Dundalk!
By the time Thursday rolled around I was mostly recovered but was wary of the Club spin. The radar was showing thunderstorms and I just didn’t fancy it. Turned out the five guys that did go out got caught in a huge thunder plump and were absolutely drenched. No actual thunder but they said the rain was at dangerous levels for cycling.
Saturday morning there were no bikes as we instead had our Club day out with a hike to Slieve League, dinner in the Rusty Mackerel and drinking and dancing for the evening in Donegal Town. 14 of us made the walk and 5 more joined us for dinner or dancing later in the day. A great day and night with perfect weather for the walk. It was another late one though, not getting home until 2am.
There wasn’t much of a lie in on Sunday morning as Catriona was up and away about 7am to join a group of friends from her gym for a morning hike. I stayed in bed until about 9am but I didn’t really sleep after she left. Sunday became a very lazy day, trying to recharge severely depleted batteries. It was mostly spent reading and watching TV as well as Star Wars: Rogue One having just finished S2 of Andor. A 1.5hr late afternoon snooze almost derailed my sleep last night but I went to bed happy to have booked Monday off on Annual Leave. Every now and again I manage to get it bang on!
I know we say it all the time but this year is flying. It seems like no time at all since my last post which was just over three months ago, or to put it another way, one quarter of the year.
It’s been an eventful 3 months for me but it’s taken me a long time to be able to put it in words.
What Happened?
My last post was at the end of April, just a few days before I had planned to complete my second Audax of the year. That didn’t go at all according to plan. The event was scheduled for Sunday 26th April but on the Saturday I had a massive panic attack about being able to do it and I ended up pulling out at 6am on the Sunday morning after a night of broken sleep and bad dreams. During the Sunday itself I had a complete meltdown! It was as bad a mental health experience as I’ve ever had and unfortunately, Catriona bore the brunt of it. I’m just thankful that she was so understanding and supportive as it was pretty ugly and I said and did things that I am far from proud of. Ever since I have been grateful every day for the love and support she gave me that weekend and in the months since.
Counselling
That weekend gave me a real scare. It shocked me how far I’d let myself go and it shocked me that I came very close to destroying my relationship with Catriona. My mental health had deteriorated gradually over a long period of time and it took that weekend to also shock me into action. Over the years I have tried a couple of different counsellors but a combination of lack of effort on my part and an inability to connect with the counsellor meant it never worked. However, this time was different. I found a counselling service online that is sponsored by the HSE (Ireland’s Health Service) called turn2me. This company provide 6 free counselling sessions with an online counsellor. I was dubious about how successful online, rather than in-person, counselling could be but at this point I was desperate and ready to try anything. The best part though was that I was able to start that same week.
They put me in touch with a guy called Paul and every Monday at 7pm we had an hour together over video. Paul was great and we connected very quickly on the first appointment. I felt very comfortable with him and pretty much vomited out all my issues in that first session which was pretty draining. Over the next 5 weeks Paul worked with me to identify how I was feeling, why I was feeling and behaving the way I was and gave me a lot of skills and techniques to finally begin to cope better and build myself back to where I want to be.
It hasn’t been all plain sailing. I had a bit of a wobble at the beginning of June and I’ve found the last couple of weeks a bit difficult but the key now is that I have ways of recognising and accepting how I feel and ways of coping and dealing with the feelings that don’t make me happy. I have a lot of work still to do but I’m confident that I can make progress and feeling better than I have for quite a long time.
That first week was pretty difficult. The amount of mental energy I had was severely limited and the weekend previous had left me feeling completely drained. I quickly realised that I was trying to juggle way too many things and that something(s) had to give. The priorities had to be my own mental health, my relationship with my family and work. I cut everything else. Cycling can and has been, a valuable tool to help my mental health but I’d somehow transformed it into another metric to measure myself against. I went from the 100km Audax Challenge to the Festive 500 and back to riding 200km events and setting personal challenges that I just wasn’t ready for. Cycling was no longer a relaxing and enjoyable hobby, it had become another stress point in my life that I had created and was beating myself up over.
Cycling
In the end I think I took nearly two weeks off the bike. I needed the time to reset and change my attitude towards cycling. I needed to get back to it being something I did for fun rather than to hit an arbitrary number or challenge. I also decided that Audax is no longer the thing for me (for now at least) and left all the Audax WhatsApp Groups. I also temporarily stepped back from PRO duties with my home Club. As well as resetting my attitude towards cycling I also didn’t have the mental energy to be dealing with people. This is no reflection on the friends I have within the Club, it was all about how I was feeling and I felt that I needed that break from people to reset. Through work I have to put so much energy into relationships with shop owners, sales staff and my own colleagues that I had nothing left at the end of a working day. I did share what I was going through with some of my friends from the Club and got messages of support that meant a lot and really did help, especially when I felt it was time to get back out again.
The first couple of rides took a fair bit of effort to get out and I think that’s part of the reason why I ended up with two weeks off instead of the one I had planned. Once the awkwardness (all in my own head as usual) was out of the way cycling definitely had changed, or rather I had changed. It was back to being more about the fun again. I dropped all my challenges and made it all about getting out again. Now my only aim is to try and get out twice a week where possible and not beat myself up about it when I don’t. I’m cycling regularly with the Club again and especially over the last 6 weeks I’m feeling good, feeling fit and enjoying myself. I’ve also taken back on my PRO duties in the last week or so which is good as someone else was having to cover for me and I didn’t want that going on for much longer.
Hillwalking
The Hiking Club helped too. I hadn’t been out for a Club walk since the middle of November when I’d completed the first phase of the Navigation Training in The Bluestacks. I had a solo hike to Silver Hill in December but until May I hadn’t been in the hills all year.
With Paul’s encouragement I reconnected with the Club and joined them for a hugely enjoyable trip out to Tory Island. I’d never been before and had a great day. It really helped that I knew all the other members pretty well that were out that day and enjoyed their company. A couple of others were also back after a bit of a gap so there was a real sense of welcome for everyone that was out that day. The scenery was amazing, the weather near perfect and we got to see an elusive corncrake, much to the annoyance of the “proper” birdwatchers who were visiting the island and were tortured by their multiple calls but no sightings.
The Hiking Club was a real tonic. I have a very different relationship with these people, much more superficial but supportive in a different way. They barely know me so I was able to relax and enjoy myself a little easier. The welcome back I received was really nice and in addition Joe was encouraging me to attend the second phase of the Navigation Training he was holding the following weekend. I did want to do this but felt awkward as I hadn’t been active in the Club for nearly 6 months but he was adamant that I should attend and I did. Again I enjoyed it a lot and as it was a small group I spent a lot of time talking to Joe. He was clearly lining me up and encouraging me to become a walk leader. This had been at the back of my mind but I didn’t feel that I had the skills for it. Joe’s encouragement and support from Paul at the counselling sessions saw me putting my name forward a few weeks later and when the new calendar came out my name was on it to lead a walk in July along with Joe.
I completed a solo recce walk at the end of May and on 19th July lead the walk with assistance from Joe. It turned out to be a larger than average group of 16 which was a bit daunting but we got everyone up and down safely. I got a real buzz from leading and I’ll definitely be putting my name forward for another one in the Winter calendar. Joe was very complimentary and everyone was full of praise for the route which made me feel really good.
Since then I’ve only had one hike which was at the weekend on a solo recce of the Sliabh League cliff walk. We’re planning a Cycling Club day out on the 15th. We climbed Errigal last year and Sliabh League was suggested for this year. I wanted to walk the route in advance to see how suitable it would be for occasional walkers. Again, it was hugely enjoyable but I can still feel the aches 3 days later! I need to work on my hill fitness!
In a similar fashion to my new approach to cycling I’m not setting any big challenges or targets but I have committed to myself to get out at least once every month on either a Club or solo hike. I miss the hills but only really realise this when I’m in them.
Family News
It has been a pretty eventful few months for our family too. Conor turned 18 in March and did his Leaving Cert in June. He worked hard, didn’t get too stressed about it and although we didn’t have a mad exam-stressed house it was there at the back of everyone’s mind since Easter and the topic of far too many conversations to not have an effect. He finally finished on Friday 19th June and after a weekend of celebrating we headed off on a family holiday to Malta on Monday 22nd.
We went Monday to Monday and stayed in fantastic apartments in a small fishing village called Marsascala on the South West coast. On our first night we had a bit of a panic that it was very quiet but we didn’t arrive until just before 11pm and all the restaurants also close at 11pm! We managed food and a couple of drinks in a takeaway place and did a basic food and drink run in the local Asian shop that stayed open late. Over the next week of consistently hot and sunny days (28-33°C) we totally unwound and relaxed while enjoying trips to Valetta and a few other towns as well as a full day trip cruise along the Maltese coast to Gozo and a stop at the Blue Lagoon on our way back. We ate in a different place every night and had a fantastic time together. It was exactly what all of us needed!
I had hoped to get a hike on Malta, just as I have on the last two holidays, but it was simply too hot. I had planned a 14km coastal walk that started just around the corner from our apartment but when I tried it out with 6km on the Wednesday I realised it wasn’t feasible. I arrived home a sweaty mess with a banging headache that was probably the start of heat stroke and decided to scratch it and just relax. That was a lot easier…
On Tuesday 28th July Catriona and myself celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. It feels weird hitting that milestone as both of us remember our own parents celebrating the same and at the time they felt so old and we felt so young! No party or anything but we did go out on Sunday night for a lovely meal and a few drinks to spend a voucher bought for us by Catriona’s sister. It was for Jacksons Hotel in Ballybofey where we had our wedding reception so full circle back to where it all started.
The weekend past also marked 21 years since we moved into our house. The first few years we had been living in Letterkenny but we decided we wanted to move out of the town to somewhere quieter to start a family. Our home here meant we would be close to my Mum and Dad, still close to Letterkenny and Catriona’s Mum and Dad and gave us a choice of a number of playschool and National School options for any kids we would have. Catriona was heavily pregnant when we moved in and Owen was born just 6 weeks later on the 14th of September. Of course this means we have a 2nd significant birthday coming up in a few weeks. An 18th, 21st and 25th all in the one year.
Body Issues
Over the last few years I’ve been having progressively worse issues with sleep. I’ve been getting less quality sleep, waking most nights at least once and feeling less and less restored as time went on. This became even more noticeable with my change of job when I started needing a 10min afternoon nap more and more often to avoid falling asleep while driving!
I had put a lot of it down to being generally unsettled and a level of anxiety that wasn’t allowing me to switch off properly. However, back before Xmas I decided to start tracking my sleep and with a month’s worth of data I was able to identify that my overnight stress levels were far too high. Dr Google suggested that this was a significant indicator of sleep apnoea. Combined with my persistent snoring, afternoon sleepiness and a few other symptoms it was pretty clear and my GP agreed. He referred me to the respiratory clinic and back in May I was called for a sleep study. This means wearing a suite of sensors that monitor various body metrics overnight from 11pm to 7am. These were then forwarded to a consultant and in mid-June I was called to the clinic. The consultant informed me that I definitely had sleep apnoea with a score of 16 (<5 is normal, 5-15 is mild, 15-29 is moderate and 30+ is severe) which was significant but not worrying. However, the only way to treat it is with a hugely attractive CPAP machine which I’ve now had for about 3 weeks.
What it reminds me of… What I sound like… What it’s actually like…
The machine is taking quite a bit of getting used to and I have two versions of the mask as I found the first one a bit annoying. I’m alternating between them and some nights I’m taking it off in my sleep! However, I’m gradually getting used to it. My brother also has one and he said it took him about 6 months to get used to it but he wouldn’t sleep without it now. He had similar scores to me and described it as a life changer! The nights that I do wear it all the way through my score hasn’t been above 2 so it’s definitely having an impact.
Incidentally that score I initially thought was apnoea events during the night. At the mask fitting the nurse informed me that it’s the number of events per hour which I found pretty shocking!
On a much more positive note last Friday, after a 26 year break I finally got another tattoo! This one has been in the mix for at least 5 years and possibly longer. I’ve been ruminating on different designs off and on but in the last few months the idea started to gain a bit more momentum and then I eventually found a design that I really liked.
The exploded compass design grabbed me as it’s very different to almost all other compass tattoos that I’ve seen and the outdoor theme really suits me I feel. I then added the designs below which are Catriona and the boys’ names in ogham which is an ancient celtic script in which old Irish was first written. It’s purposely done quite rough to mimic the ogham examples that have survived from ancient time as they are mostly carved in rock.
Altogether, it took just over an hour and hurt far less than I remembered from my earlier tattoos. A combination of modern needles and guns and the fact that it is mostly fine linework with very little shading. Overall I’m absolutely delighted with it and have one or two more ideas rattling around in my head.
What’s Ahead?
Despite a couple of wobbles and a bit of a struggle to get back in a steady groove since the holidays I’m feeling in a pretty good place and in fact, writing this post has helped me a lot. I’ve missed blogging and want to get back to regular posting again. I’m going to aim for a minimum of two posts per month and see how that goes. I really like the weekly style that Unironedman and OMIL produce but that might just be a wee bit adventurous for now. I also really like the monthly recaps that Rootchopper produces so I figure that every two weeks would be a good compromise.
As part of my counselling Paul suggested keeping a journal. Not a digital one, but a pen and paper one. Over the last few weeks I’ve been looking at the various different systems out there and I quite like the Bullet Journal approach. I’ve adopted most of the principles of that but have tweaked it to be more like the Life Tracker system (basically a Bullet Journal rip-off). I’m still trying to get into the habit of using it but I’m getting there, trying not to force it too much and let it grow on me. It’s definitely very useful for tracking stuff though like To-Do lists, important dates and events and activities such as cycling, walking, books, TV shows and any recommendations I get. It’s very easy to get distracted by the phone and the idea behind pen and paper is that everything is in the one place. Writing forces you to slow down and think more and it removes the temptation to doom scroll and waste time on useless shit. I’m also hoping that journaling will help stimulate me to blog more often and more easily.
If you’re curious about the post title it’s a track by Bonnie Tyler. She passed away a short time ago and this was her follow-up to the massive hit “Total Eclipse of the Heart” . I like it as it fits my post but it was also featured on “Heaven and Hell” which was a compilation album with Meatloaf. I had that on a pirate knock-off cassette and pretty much wore it out. Back in the days when I had 15-20 cassette albums and thought I was made for life!
February 1st is traditionally known in the Celtic calendar as Imbolc and the first day of Spring. In the Christian calendar it is also St. Brigid’s Day. For the last few years it’s also been a Bank Holiday and therefore a long weekend.
Over the last few days there has been a definite feeling of Spring on its way. Despite a stormy start to the week with Storm Chandra the weekend turned out quite mild and settled, perfect weather for cycling, with the right clothes….
Saturday morning I was out with the Club Stabiliser Group for a relaxed 40km to Raphoe. I really enjoy this group as it’s a real mixture of abilities with a focus on everyone enjoying themselves and a halfway social coffee stop. I usually make this a longer ride but with plans for a full weekend I met everyone in the Crossroads to keep it around the 45km marker.
In total there were 10 riders out with 3 shiny new bikes on display 🤩
Grainne and myself had targeted Sunday as our Audax RRTY 100 route for February. Despite my talk of Spring, February can still be unpredictable and with a shorter month we didn’t want to leave it too much in the hands of fate. We put it up as a Club Spin and ended up with 6 of us altogether. It’s the 4th month Grainne and myself have used this route but the first time we rode it together and it was good to have the additional company. That’s 6 months done now and halfway through RRTY.
It was a really good spin but I took a nasty fall at 21km on the Greenway heading towards Lifford. We met a group of runners and as I moved to the right to let them by, my rear wheel slid and I hit the ground. It happened that quick I was down before I knew what was happening so my left hip and shoulder took the brunt of it. I skinned my knee, knuckles and elbow and tore my leggings, shoe covers, gloves and my good jacket but thankfully didn’t break anything. The only damage to the bike is a twisted left hood that should be easily moved back. I hit my head a decent thump but my helmet did it’s job and a bit of a headache was the limit of my head injury. I’m just glad I didn’t have time to react and put my hand out to save myself as a broken wrist, arm or collar bone would have made driving and therfore work a bit of a problem. I was a bit shook, bruised and battered but still able to get back in the saddle and finish the ride. Many others come off far worse and for my first road crash I got away lucky.
Gloves are for the bin but hopefully the leggings and jacket can be patched 🤞
As a Club we’ve been complaining about the lack of maintenance and the condition of the Greenway. This is a disgrace and Donegal County Council should be ashamed 😡
A bath yesterday evening and plenty of ibuprofen meant that although I was a bit stiff and swollen I was back on the bike this morning. Even yesterday I was of the opinion that movement that wasn’t causing pain was probably better recovery than sitting at the house getting stiffer.
Today’s ride was a good bit more sensible and prefect recovery after yesterday’s distance. We went to Clady and back again. I cycled up this morning so left the group after the tea break which was close to home for me. Finding a tea stop was the biggest challenge today with so many places closed for the Bank Holiday.
I finished the long weekend with 200.62km which I’m delighted about. It’s now just under 7 weeks until my first targeted Audax 200km event and it’s given me a good confidence boost that it’s achievable. I just need to keep the rubber side down…
With two weeks off the bike there’s always a certain amount of anxiety getting back out again, a worry about how much fitness you’ve lost over the period of inactivity. With my week long back issue I was a bit more nervous getting on the bike this morning, in fact I was wondering if I’d even have the flexibility to throw my leg over the saddle!
I’m glad to report that I was worried about nothing and it all went well. I picked the perfect ride to go back, joining the Saturday morning Stabiliser Group. This is a slower paced ride aimed at beginners or anyone returning to cycling after a long break, suitable also for anyone returning from injury 😉
📸 by Brian McElhinney
I cycled up to meet the group to see how I felt. It’s 11km so long enough to identity any problems. It was a cold but dry morning with fog rising from the river and quite thick in around Ballybofey. You can see it behind us in the group photo above.
The route took us into Raphoe via Liscooley which has a few punchy climbs to further test my back when putting down extra power and climbing out of the saddle. All still good 👌
The other reason I enjoy this group so much is that it’s very sociable. The emphasis is on getting out and enjoying the ride. A tea/coffee stop is mandatory and we have a usual now in Dolans of Raphoe. It’s a shop and service station but has a separate, heated sitting area with toilets. Luxury!
I was definitely feeling better than middlin’
A final climb with the group up the Broadpath and then a final solo 10km home and the unavoidable climb to the house left me with a solid 56km and the confidence to push on next week and hopefully get my 100km ride in next weekend 🤞
Boy that was a cold start! A hard frost overnight meant it was still -3°C at 9:30am ❄️🥶
With yesterday’s temperature not getting much above 1/2°C it left everything looking white and crisp this morning…
It looked foggy but it was just a thin blanket that I soon dropped below and it burned off quickly in the sun
I was a wee bit nervous setting off but despite white roads they were dry and the surface frost wasn’t slippery at all. Grainne cycled down the road to meet me part way and to get some extra km for the day. She made a big effort, coming decked out on a full Santa outfit and picked up the prize for most festive bike/rider 🤶
In total we had 15 members out which was really good considering the conditions. We went to Raphoe for refreshments sponsored by the club and returned the same route, making the safe decision to stick to gritted roads. We had also delayed the start from 9:30am to 10:30am to let the roads clear a bit.
Cycling up and down from home meant I got my 60km for the day without too much additional effort. Although I had to do a lap of the house to get me the last 100m, I couldn’t finish at 59.9km!
Tomorrow’s forecast shows overnight temperatures to stay just above freezing so I might change my plans slightly and do the Killeter loop that goes across the higher ground. It wouldn’t be safe after a hard frost but should be OK tomorrow. Also I’m getting kind of sick of Raphoe 🤣
Following a theme from my last post the title of this one can’t help but remind me of this song from my misspent youth…
I wrote that post on the 15th of October and alluded to a big event that I was planning for the following weekend. I apologise to all of you that have been waiting patiently for an update ever since 🤣
It’s been such a big gap that I wasn’t going to bother but if Unironedman can write a post and publish a video in November about an event in April I wasn’t yet past my sell by date for this post…
Connemarathon by Declan Kenny. Go watch it, it’s very good 👌
Back in September I DNF’d our Club Sportive event. I made it to just under 90km in atrocious weather conditions and scratched at the main food stop. That was my first and only DNF at an event. It felt wrong to me at the time (it was still the right decision on the day) and it was bugging me ever since.
On 18th October I managed to get that monkey off my back. I was joined by Grainne, who has been a steady cycling companion throughout the Summer. She was under a bit of time pressure for the evening so started in Castlefinn and met me at the bottom of my road to save her at least 30min at the finish.
We headed off through Ballybofey, Barnes Gap and on to Ballyshannon. The going was pretty good, we had a dry day and although there was a bit of a breeze it was slightly in our favour for most of the way to Ballyshannon.
A 90° turn in Ballyshannon for Beleek brought us into the wind. The work became harder and this is a deceptively difficult stretch of road with lots of small, steep climbs that sap the energy from legs with over 50km done.
Rolling into Beleek we decided to take our main lunch stop at the roadside service station. Small, covered, outdoor pods provided a welcome relief from the wind and allowed us to keep our bikes close and relax.
This stop is what I was missing on the day of the scheduled event. Not just the food at this point but the opportunity to relax, go at my own pace and not feel under pressure. It was also an important stop as the hardest section was just ahead.
Crossing from Beleek to Kesh across the top of Lower Lough Erne and Boa Island is where everything went wrong in September. That day we had heavy rain and strong winds averaging 30km/h with gusts even stronger. The wind was coming from the SW straight across the water and there is very little shelter on that stretch of road. Today we still had the wind to contend with. At an approximate average of 25km/h it was far from easy but not having the rain or stronger gusts to deal with made it much more manageable. Arriving into Kesh we felt a bit battered but a quick stop for a drink and some sweets soon had us feeling much better again.
A few kilometres up the road we reached Ederney and the spot where I scratched in September. I had to get a photo to completely dislodge the monkey and give him a final boot up the arse.
Grainne decided to keep rolling and despite only being stopped for a few minutes she proved damn hard to catch! I could see her bright yellow gillet in the distance but it took a long time to reel her in.
We were now into one of the long climbs in the last third of the route as the road winds and climbs from Ederney to the quarry at the high point of Scraghey. A long, tiring section but finally we had the wind mostly behind us and it really is just a matter of getting the head down and grinding on.
At the top of Scraghey Grainne was feeling tired and felt it better if I just pushed on and left her to follow at her own pace. She was quite determined about this and I know too well what it feels like to be riding even just slightly harder than is your own comfortable pace so I clipped back in and rolled off having said our goodbyes.
About 15min up the road I hopped off the bike to have a wee in a farmer’s field. I was only just off the bike when I heard a cheery hello as Grainne sailed past! Once I was sorted and back on the bike her yellow gillet was once again fading into the distance and I was once again working hard to reel her in! It was Castlederg before I caught her. Apparently with the pressure off she discovered her second wind and was sitting a steady couple of 100m or so behind since we parted earlier.
Rolling into Castlederg together we decided we had earned a final tea break and stopped at a shop on the way out of town.
My favourite spin snack.
While stopped for tea one of the other guys messaged to see how we were doing and this was Grainne’s response….
After tea we did say our final goodbyes and I headed on solo up the final long climb out of Castlederg and the long, sweeping descent into Castlefinn. A short section along the back road towards home, the final inevitable 1.6km climb back to the house and it was done. Just before I turned on to our road I was passed by Grainne in her car so I got home knowing she was safely finished also.
Back in September I was absolutely gutted about my DNF. A large part of this was the knowledge that I knew I was capable of doing it. I was sure that better clothing and a chance to ride my own ride would be successful so it was immensely satisfying to prove that right and to prove myself too.
What surprised me most was how good I felt finishing. I felt like I had at least another 15km left in my legs. That night I made plans to ride 160km the following weekend to get my first 100mile century done. However, during the week the weather turned a bit nasty and I had to scratch that idea. Through the rest of October and November I’ve been a bit hit and miss but doing enough to keep my legs in good shape. I also managed to get my November Audax ticked off with a solo ride on a new route.
Heading into December I’m feeling pretty good on the bike. I have my December Audax to get done and I’m heading for a decent mileage finish to the year.
I’ve been joking with some of my Club friends about the Festive 500 and while unlikely to happen it definitely feels like it would be a great way to finish out the year if the weather plays ball over Xmas….
The original date for our Club Sportive was Sunday 31st of August, just 2 days after our return from holidays in Spain. Due to a terrible forecast the decision was made to postpone by 2 weeks. Correct decision but unfortunately the weather wasn’t much better Sunday last week 😔
For the last couple of months I’ve been determined to complete the 135km route and have been steadily increasing my mileage and distance with a 110km ride just before holidays.
After that ride I felt in great shape and despite concerns over a week of eating, drinking and lazing around I was confident that the big distance was achievable. Coming back off holidays I was feeling a bit sluggish and was kind of relieved that a two week postponement would give me a chance to shake it off and get in another long ride.
It didn’t work out like that though. Despite getting 5 spins completed I didn’t get another long one due to two crappy weekends. All 5 spins ended up in the 40km zone. I had planned for a 100km+ ride the weekend before but weather again put me off and I ended up with no ride at all!
I was watching the forecast all week in the run up to the Sportive and it wasn’t looking good at all. It varied slightly as the week wore on but from Wednesday on it was pretty clear that it was going to be a wet and windy one.
Saturday night I had quite a bit of nerves about the ride, had a bit of an unsettled night and woke up on Sunday still feeling pretty nervous as well as tired. At registration, with only 12 signed on for the 135km route, I was resigned to the fact I was going to be the lanterne rouge for the day.
Both the 62km and 135km groups left together as we were going in the same direction for approx the first 15km. Once the groups split it was obvious that I was considerably slower than everyone else on the long route and that I was going to be solo for the rest of the day.
FullRoute
Despite a very strong wind going through the wind tunnel section of Barnes Gap I had a decent ride all the way to Donegal Town (30km) and on to Laghey. Difficulty increased as I rode the rolling route into Ballyshannon (50km) but I somehow managed to sustain a 27kph average to that point.
On the approach to Ballyshannon I thought I glimpsed a cyclist a few minutes ahead of me on one of the climbs. Dropping off the main road and turning East to Belleek the guys in the first aid van had asked the two guys who were just ahead of me to wait so the three of us could ride together. I was concerned the other two guys were were considerably fitter and faster than me but they seemed happy to slow slightly to my pace and stay together.
It had already started raining quite heavily and now we were riding straight into the wind. Getting to Belleek wasn’t too bad but I had to leave all the work to the other two guys. They were setting a pace slightly faster than I was comfortable with and I was working hard to stay on the back wheel with no hope of getting in front to take a turn.
After Belleek the weather turned really shit! The rain was constant heavy now and the wind was a real problem. The road was pretty exposed and the crossing of Boa Island was one of the worst bits of cycling I’ve ever done. While the rain was hateful the wind was verging on dangerous. Gusts were hitting us off Lough Erne and there was quite a lot of traffic with a few dangerous passes especially considering the road conditions.
The other two guys had slowed down quite a bit too and despite the conditions I found I was able to get on the front a good few times and to complete decent pulls. By the time we crossed Boa Island and reached Kesh (84km) we were all suffering. I was really feeling the cold with numb hands and feet*, struggling to operate my gears and brakes and getting a pain in my left quad. One of the other guys was cramping badly, I could see him hitting his quads with a closed fist and he was no longer coming forward to take the front. The third guy still looked strong but a couple of km outside of Ederney he told me they were going to tap out at the food stop. Although I hadn’t voiced it I had been considering the same for a while and his announcement made up my mind.
Pulling into the food stop at Ederney our ride was done at 88km. It was pretty obvious that everyone was waiting for us to get in and although I might have been able to carry on I was very conscious that I was going to be very slow and that there were a number of people in the broom vans and at the finish that were going to have to wait for me to finish. Despite the disappointment and feeling like I’d failed I felt that it was the right thing to do.
Once we confirmed we were pulling out our bikes were loaded into the broom van while we grabbed something quick to eat and a hot cup of tea. The other two guys headed off with one of the ride organisers and I jumped into the broom van. About 20min up the road we came across the next two back markers and followed them back to the finish. One of these guys is a very strong cyclist from our Club and he was getting it tough. I ended up sitting beside him in the canteen at the end while we got some very welcome hot food. The condition he was in made me very glad I decided to tap out when I did!
Despite feeling like I made the right decision on the day I’m still convinced I could have completed the ride on the same day and in different circumstances. If I’d dressed more appropriately for the weather* and if I’d been riding my own ride instead of part of an organised event, I would have felt considerably less pressure, wouldn’t have been thinking about marshals and volunteers out in the shitty weather and waiting for me to finish. I would also have been able to ride at my own pace and stop for food when it felt right for me. It wouldn’t have been a pretty ride and I would have been very slow but I think I might have been able to make it. Also, it’s hard to DNF when you have to make your own way home! Saying all that, it’s easy to make that statement sitting at home!
*despite making the correct decision to wear my fully waterproof jacket and fit my rear mudguard I somehow decided to ride in shorts and short finger gloves and not use my front mudguard! In my defence the forecasted temperatures were borderline for tights but I totally forgot to allow for the significant windchill and the effect of the constant rain.
I have ridden this route as part of a Club Sportive before but it was longer ago than I thought and it was a very different story that day.
I really don’t know how I managed that average!
My condition in 2016 was very different compared to 2025. As well as having 9 years less on my clock and being at least 10kg lighter, I had a lot of training done. In the 12 months leading up to the Sportive I’d ridden just over 7,500km and completed a lot of rides of 100km+. One of those was the Wicklow 200 which I completed in just under 8hrs 15min. I’m nowhere near that at the minute so I guess that’s my target set for the next 12 months 🤣 I’m definitely riding that route myself in the Spring too!
A shock to the system with a very wet 43km Club Spin at 9am with temperatures between 12 and 14°C – Spain 🇪🇸 is a distant memory already! 😭 At least it did give me a chance to road test my new Galibier Tourmalet 4 jacket – very impressed 👌
Unfortunately, tomorrow’s Club Sportive is a victim of the weather and has been postponed until September 14th. I should definitely be back to fitness after the holiday by that stage 🍻 💪🤣
I was going to start this blog update by saying I’ve neglected it quite a bit this year but to be honest I’ve found myself stepping away from all forms of social media and at the risk of sounding very pretentious, all forms of creativity. I’ve thought about blogging and YouTube quite a bit but the drive to put something in words or on film just hasn’t been there. I’ve also been less inclined to take and post photos this year which is a big change for me. The majority of photos that I have taken have stayed on my phone only.
Last year that would have worried me as over the last couple of years I’d been struggling mentally to get the motivation to get anything done. A large part of that was that I was desperately unhappy at work and that was affecting me mentally and bleeding into my daily life. The main symptom was an increasing lethargy and lack of drive to do anything.
Having changed jobs back in August last year I’ve now had a significant turnaround. 3 years of negativity will take some work to reverse completely but I’m definitely feeling much better than I did this time last year. I’m putting the lack of social media interaction down to the fact that I’m too busy enjoying the moment to be able to document it or even feel the need to.
Cycling
One of the very first changes was a renewed interest in cycling. I hadn’t turned a pedal in over 12 months when I started back briefly in April 2024 with a spurt of 5 short rides over a 3 week period.
Self motivation was desperately lacking though and I stopped again until September following a good start to my new job. I had a few solo short spins again before reconnecting with the Club and joining the Saturday morning Stabiliser Group in mid-October for my first Club spin since February 2023!
Very quickly this became a regular Saturday fixture and I was hitting the 50km marker by the end of October having originally thought that it would be a good aim for the end of the year!
This year, despite a week here and there off the bike, I’ve made cycling a regular activity again and I’m enjoying it too. I’ve increased my distance to completing at least 100km most weeks and hitting the 100km marker at the really enjoyable Donegal Bay Sportive at Easter when a big group from the Club did various routes with many of the Stabiliser beginners completing 50km for the first time also.
For the May Bank Holiday there was an organised group spin from Ballybofey to Buncrana with the option to join depending on the distance you wanted to cycle. I joined in Raphoe for just shy of 90km.
The Club then rounded off the Summer with a fun day on Saturday last week. We bussed to Errigal and did a summit walk followed by dinner and drinks in Lettermacaward before returning to Ballybofey and more drinks before heading home at a very late (for me!) 1am. A great day of fun and laughter and a good physical challenge that was highly enjoyable.
In the last couple of years I’ve struggled to gel with the Club. It’s been mostly my own fault, being in a bad mindset and finding it difficult to connect with the other members, despite knowing some of them for a few years. Thankfully this year has been very different.
I’m not setting any massive records for the year but so far I’ve managed to clock up 2,650km for the year. It’s not a huge amount but considering 4-4,500km is average for me, that my biggest year was 8,000km and the combined total of 2022,2023 and 2024 was slightly over 2,400km I’m doing pretty well for 2025!
On Sunday the Club is running a Sportive again. There are two routes, 62km and 135km, and I’m planning for the longer route. I’ve been doing steady mileage over the last few weeks including two longer rides of 90km and 110km. I’m feeling in a good place for 135km but I’m currently in Spain for a very lazy family holiday and not sure how that will affect my fitness. We’re back home on Friday so I’ll take a short leg loosening spin on Saturday to see if that helps.
Increasing my distance like this and the subsequent increased fitness, has brought back a hunger for Audax. I’ve stayed in all the Audax Ireland WhatsApp groups so I haven’t really lost touch but it’s taken until now to really consider the daunting 200km distance once again.
The RRTY challenge (1 x 200km Audax event per month for 12 consecutive months) has had a new version launched for 2025 called RRTY 100. Basically it’s an introductory challenge for those looking to get into full-on Audax and consists of 1 x 100km Audax event per month for 12 months. I’m thinking of using that as a pathway back to Audax similar to how I used the Club Stabiliser Group to get me back cycling regularly. I’m not setting any great targets for next year but seeing as 2015 was my first ever Audax I’d quite like to get one done before the end of the year and I’m seriously considering giving the Four Provinces Challenge (see the link above) a go in 2026 as I did it previously in 2016.
To get the RRTY 100 completed I’m going to have to get at least one route published for Donegal. The nearest is currently in Sligo and the only one I’m currently aware of in development is a massive 1600m of climbing in 106km!
Hillwalking & Camping
My last solo hillwalk was in The Sperrins at Banagher Glen in the last of the Winter snow on 11th January. I’d earmarked that route for a period of snow and just managed to time it right although I did have a mild panic at the car park, deep in the Glen, when I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get the car back back out in the compacted snow!
I haven’t given up on hillwalking though as I’ve been active with the Bluestack Ramblers Walking Club this year, completing 8 group walks from January to June with 3 in June alone. There were some great walks in there with Knockalla and the Aghlas definitely being my favourites.
I didn’t get out at all during July or August as the walks weren’t as interesting and I was busy with jobs around the house and cycling. As my cycling mileage increased my free time for hillwalking decreased and, if I’m being honest, I struggled to get enough fitness for cycling and hillwalking in the same weekend! However, I have two of interest in September that I’d like to do. They’re on the 7th and 14th which will hopefully allow me a chance to get an Audax 100 completed later in September to get the RRTY 100 started.
Another victim of cycling and the lack of solo hiking has been camping. Despite buying two new tents in the last 12 months my last wild camp was in April 2024 ! I simply haven’t had the time to give up two days for an overnighter and have had too many other things I wanted to do instead. I would like to get out and do something in the Bluestacks before the end of the year though, preferably in September or October. If nothing else I need to try out my new 2 person tent I bought specifically for Spring and Autumn camping! It was my Xmas present last year but I haven’t even managed to get it out of the box for a test pitch…
Of all my social media posting it’s YouTube that has taken the biggest hit this year. My last video release was in November last year. I did record my hike in Banagher Glen that I mentioned above, but somehow haven’t had the time or drive to get it edited and published. I’ve given it a go a couple of times and have it about 50% done so I probably will finish it eventually. However, I wasn’t really in a filming mood that day and it’s a bit disjointed. It could be a feeling that it’s not that great that’s as much to blame as lack of time for not getting it finished. I do enjoy filming and editing for YouTube though so I do see myself getting back to it, possibly with a return to solo hiking and camping but I’d like to start adding some cycling content also. That will involve some solo cycling as I don’t like to film with groups so might kick in if I start into Audax preparation…
More to come…
This is already too long so I’ll add the rest in the next couple of days.
With the lifting of restrictions our Club officially restarted Club rides again last week. Like most Clubs this is a Tuesday and Thursday evening as well as Sunday morning. I used to be a regular attendee of pretty much all 3 meets but since changing jobs back in August 2019 I’ve been missing them a lot. I finish work at 6 and the spin starts at 7. This doesn’t usually give me time to get away, changed and travel to the start in time. My old job was almost 15min less travel time and a lot quieter so I was able to get changed early and go on the button of 6.
My last activity with the Club was our Bike Week event back in September and previous to that it was a few Sunday rides in January last year. I can blame the pandemic for most of that but it was me as well. During 2018/19 my cycling activity dropped off considerably and I lost a lot of my fitness. Most of my cycling was solo and I lost the edge I needed to ride with my usual group who had all stepped up a level. Even back in January last year I was struggling, and often failing, to stay with them, especially on hills.
Having the long weekend off and no work yesterday meant I had a perfect opportunity to get back to a Club meet. To be honest I was nervous about it. I’ve always been a bit awkward in social situations and the last year and a half haven’t helped that any. I knew I’d gotten stronger on the bike this year but I was sure I was still way off the rest of my old group, especially as my activity had dipped in April and May again. There was quite a bit of flip-flopping throughout the day about whether or not I was even going to go but eventually I knew I had to go for my own good.
I cycled up to the meeting point from home and ended up leaving early and being there almost 15min early. I was ready to go so just left before I could talk myself out of it again! Quite a few people turned up and a good mixed group so I knew I had someone to ride with no matter what happened. After a bit of chatting among groups a route was decided. All abilities were heading in the same direction which suited me perfectly as it meant I could fall back to a slower group if I wasn’t able to keep up. I didn’t intend to go with the faster group but as everyone separated out I ended up starting with them. At least three other guys came too that I knew I could stay with so I was reasonably happy. Nervous but happy.
The route was up Barnes Gap, left down the Derg Line to Castlederg, over the valley ridge to Castlefinn and back to Ballybofey via the main road. This also suited me as it gave me a few drop out options to cut the ride short as well as not having to cycle home solo from Ballybofey at the end.
The big issue with this route is that the start is pretty brutal. The first 10km has a lot of climbing when legs aren’t properly warmed up. The last time I came up Cappry I really struggled to stay with the guys and I was pleased to stay with them this time. I did fully expect to be dropped heading up into Barnes Gap (one of the two hardest climbs of the route) but I wasn’t the last one up. I was seriously red lined at the top and didn’t get much of a chance to recover as we kept on to the Derg Line before stopping properly. I ended up behind Tony and really struggled to keep his wheel before losing it on the last small climb about 200m before the turn.
This next section was a lot better. It’s a fairly rolling section and the wind wasn’t as much of an issue as before. We formed a good double line with all of us taking some time on the front. My pulls were pretty short but I still got up there and took my turn. This was a very fast section too and that took a lot of getting used to. Riding in a group was nerve wracking, especially across the first bit which was pretty twisty and bumpy. At times I really felt close to my skill limit and verging on uncomfortable but I soon settled in.
Two guys had decided to hold back and wait for a slower group just after Cappry but I had one other guy that didn’t normally ride with the fast group and one other guy that does but is the slowest so I still had company and didn’t stand out too much. In fairness the three faster guys were great. They took the majority of the time on front, set a challenging but reasonable pace and eased off to wait for everyone to regroup after the tougher climbs.
The route stayed rolling and fast all the way to Castlederg with one last steep climb and fast descent into the town. Then it was the last long pull up over the valley ridge before dropping down to Castlefinn. This is a long, hard climb at the best of times and my legs were really complaining at this stage. However, the wind was now behind us which helped. I managed to stay with everyone for about half the climb before two of the guys really started to pull away followed by one of guys I was trying to match. About 2/3 of the way up John came past me like I wasn’t even moving! He had dropped a chain when he had to stop for traffic mid change and had fallen way behind but I’d say he was still one of the first to the top. Close to the top I got passed by the last of the group meaning I was the last one up but about 1km on I caught up with them again as they had slowed to regroup.
Then it was the very fast descent into Castlefinn. This is a nice twisty road with a good surface and there’s always a fair bit of racing here to get to the bottom. I topped out at just over 60km/hr at 100rpm on my fastest gear and still couldn’t catch some of the guys with bigger chainsets and more power than me. It was great!
Regrouping again in Castlefinn we took it reasonably steady to head back towards Ballybofey. I initially planned to drop off at Liscooley and head home but the craic was good and I felt my legs needed a slightly longer spin down before climbing home so I stayed with them to Killygordon before turning off and soloing the final 5km home.
Leaving the guys my average speed was 29.5km/hr but that included the first 12km solo ride up. Most of them finished with a 30km/hr+ average which is a lot faster than I’ve done for a long time. My usual average weighted power is 180-185, last night it was 200! It’s a very long time since I’ve asked that from my legs and I was very pleased that they had it to give.
*TNIB = Tuesday Night in Ballybofey, nod to BigDdyJim 😉👌
niall harran 