It’s coming up on 9 weeks now since we had to say goodbye to poor Rosie. I always knew losing her would be hard but I was totally unprepared for just how hard it would actually be! I’ve always been a firm believer that unless you have owned a dog then it’s not possible to understand just how much they become a part of the family and that the loss of a dog can’t really be understood by someone who has never had a dog. The last two months have taught me that unless you’ve been through the death of a dog then you don’t really understand either…
I know there are people that are reading this who are grieving for the loss of loved ones. I have been through that myself and I know that the loss of someone close, either family or friend, is so much more significant than the loss of a pet. However, I still wasn’t prepared for the rawness of the grief I experienced with Rosie.
I believe a large part of that came from the fact that she didn’t die, we had to decide it was time to let her go and ultimately that decision came down to me. Hand on heart, that was the most difficult decision I’ve made in my life and the most horribly guilt ridden one also!
I’m not a great person for poetry but I did find two poems that gave me comfort at the time. One of these I shared on my post back in January and this is the second:
The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this — the last battle — can’t be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don’t let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where my needs they’ll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We’ve been so close — we two — these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.
~~ Unknown
We all made sure that Rosie went as calmly and as settled as possible. We were all with her right to the end and I held her while she slipped away. The least I could do was make sure that I was the last thing she saw. Afterwards, we brought her home and buried her at the top of the garden so that she will be with us as long as we’re here.
It hasn’t been easy this last couple of months. There have been a lot of tears but the rawness has mellowed to a dull ache. It’s the little things that hit the hardest. Leftover dinners that now go in the bin, lifting the garage keys that always used to bring her running, the back door that’s hardly ever unlocked any more, keeping little tidbits on the side of your plate that are no longer needed. Toughest of all is going to let her out for a pee in the morning and realising that she’s no longer there…..
The biggest difference with losing a pet is that, raw though the grief may be, it’s not as all consuming as losing a person and the grief does begin to fade much quicker. Eventually the mind does begin to turn to finding a new friend to come in to the family.
I’ve been lurking in a couple of local rehoming groups for the last couple of weeks, trying to see how I’m feeling and waiting to see if one would catch my eye. I’m trying not to get too excited but we’re going to go and see a dog early next week (we have to wait a little while as he’s recovering from neutering surgery). He’s 4 years old and a Springer Spaniel so he’s like a male version of Rosie. We know nothing of his history and we may not click so we’ll just take it as it comes without too many expectations. Watch this space….
niall harran 
Best of luck with the prospective adoption!
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I know your grief, and I know your guilt. I had to make this decision in 2017 and it still haunts me at times, though I know it was the right decision. They say it’s better to have been a day too early than a day too late. Your Rosie left at peace surrounded by her family, that is a gift. I have no helpful words for the pain, I’m not sure it ever fully goes away, but I hope one day you can give your love to a new baby. It’s ok to take your time in that process!
I find the pet grief schema to be even worse with cat owners. Often they’re seen as too independent, not as affectionate, and I think more people misunderstand the bond some people have with them. When my current cat leaves me I think it will take me years to commit to another pet, he is my soul child.
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Thank you 🙏 Enjoy your time with your pal for as long as you can make him happy ❤️
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Maybe it’s not so much deciding as recognizing when it’s a beloved dog’s time to go. Acting on what we know to be true, resisting the temptation to indulge in denial is the burden and responsibility we take on when we decide to adopt them and make them family. It’s a weighty burden, a heartbreaking responsibility … but one we owe them for the unconditional love they’ve given us, and though our role in their passing sears the edges of the hole they leave in our heart.
Watching this space…
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I can only imagine. 😔 I was never a “dog person” until my wife convinced me to bring Zane home from the Dog’s Home. These days I can’t even think of my life without him by my side. The pure unfiltered love from a dog is truly something special.
Zane is 10 now, so I know time is precious…
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Dogs ARE part of the family, and as such, losing one is incredibly tough. It’s the covenant we make when we bring a dog into our lives; we are probably going to see them out. I might gently differ on why it’s so hard at the end. Yes, the fact that it is our decision to put a dog to sleep (not my favourite phrase, I admit) makes it doubly emotional, but I don’t believe that’s the real reason. I think it’s a very pointed reminder that nothing lasts forever. And as dogs give us unconditional love, and are always there for us, they are, in many ways, a less complex and more pure form of love (compared to a lot of humans I have met!). That’s how I see it anyway.
I am so pleased you are going again on that special journey!
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You’re a wise man 🙂 I’m excited to be looking for another dog but I have to admit to a significant level of nervousness at the thought too…
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Hope you find some peace (…and another dog). Been throught it. It’s horrible
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I wish we would treat the end for humans as humanely as we do for dogs. I know my wife is a little too eager to pull the plug, but when it’s the right time I hope someone will do that for me.
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We have a relative coming to the end of her life and I keep thinking how we were able to release Rosie from her pain and wishing we could do the same for her ❤️
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