just not feeling it…

I’ve been finding it difficult to get into a good headspace for a good few weeks now. I wrote back in the middle of July that I was finding it difficult to get motivated to walk and cycle and basically get past the planning stage of anything really. Despite pushing myself to do some things I still feel that I’m only operating at something like 75% of normal. It’s like a series of those days when the weather is full of low hanging clouds and misty drizzle, grey and dispiriting.

With those kind of feelings along comes that good friend comfort eating. I’ve definitely been guilty of resorting to a much increased consumption of chocolate, crisps and biscuits over the last 6/8 weeks. That combined with a considerable drop in activity has resulted in weight gain and I’m now at the top end of my scale. I’m really not comfortable in this zone as it’s getting easier to just let it go.

Energy levels are poor. I’m sleepy and lethargic at strange parts of the day. I almost nodded off at lunchtime today and I’ve found the evening commute difficult on a number of occasions with a sleepy head and droopy eyelids. I’m going to bed at decent times but don’t think my sleep quality is where it should be.

I’ve also been having some “digestive” issues in the last month. I’m not sure if that is a symptom or a contributing cause. I’m concerned that it is the beginning of an intolerance or maybe a form of IBS but have a feeling that it’s mostly dietary and stress related. I’m hoping that a few weeks of cleaner eating will help settle me down again. It can only help with the weight gain also!

I had very little interest in riding my bike today and with a mid morning vaccine appointment for the two boys and an afternoon forecast for persistent rain I knew it was unlikely to happen anyway. Shortly after lunch and almost nodding off I decided to try and lift some of this hateful lethargy and went for a walk in the rain. It was quite warm with no wind and mostly just drizzle when I set off. The heavier rain came along the road but I don’t really mind walking in these kind of conditions. Along the way I met some new neighbours 🐮

The route was mostly local minor roads and lanes but also skirts through one of the local forestry plantations. I took a small bag with me containing my gas cannister, stove, cook pot and water. The plan was to go into the trees and make a hot chocolate.

I didn’t really want a hot chocolate but it’s difficult to rush one without scalding your mouth so it forces you to slow down and take your time. I had Rosie with me too which wasn’t a great idea as she can’t settle when out like this, wants to keep moving and whines a lot.

zero patience!

I ended up sitting for at least half an hour while I prepared my drink and allowed it to cool. It was nice to sit and enjoy the forest and try to settle my mind. I found it surprisingly difficult to switch off my brain, random nonsense and ideas flitting around but I guess I just need more practice to get better at it.

Header image from NAMI.org

8 thoughts on “just not feeling it…

  1. Walter Hamilton

    It is so easy to fall into the old bear pit of too windy, too cold, too wet, too…..and end up sitting on your bum and doing nothing. (If you are like that now, wait until you get older the excuses multiply). I know how much mental strength it requires to achieve some goals, but the biggest step is simply getting off your bum and doing it. If you find that impossible try finding a partner in crime, you will motivate each other. the good news – it gets easier the more you get out there, just doing it. failing that – give up on all those things you told yourself you wanted to do – and do something else. life is too short to waste one moment off. stay safe.

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  2. unironedman

    It’s good to read a blog post with this honest content. Nothing wrong with the “I just ran 100 miles over broken glass for charity” stuff, but the truth is we all get down sometimes. Anecdotally, I think we all have a ‘hoosh’ in Spring. It’s literally the sap rising. It peaks in Summer and then by August, we’re running on fumes. The rest of the season is spent metaphorically or literally storing up the harvest for Winter. That’s my philosophy anyway, and when I write a best-selling book one day, you can say you knew me before I became famous and insanely wealthy.
    That’s certainly the way it works for me, and I reckon I am pretty average. So when the tank is a little empty, we just have to fuel it and wait for the system to reboot (which is a mixed metaphor, and one that won’t make the book…). And if refuelling is sitting in the woods with a hound, making hot chocolate,,, well, damn, that sounds good to me.
    The stuff you love to do will all come back because, well, it’s the stuff you love to do. As someone who loves to wander in the woods too, I salute you (albeit from my desk at home, with a cup of tea.) 🙂

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  3. dpedece

    You could be talking about me. On the other side of the world, I feel much the same and also turn to chocolate, with the same results. Perhaps you’re suffering from depression. I do and the symptoms sound very similar–lethargy and losing interest in things you normally enjoy. Or maybe it’s just the weather. Rosie and your new neighbors are adorable.

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  4. Pingback: hike: bolaght mountain | the idle cyclist

  5. A Dude Abikes

    “There is a season, turn, turn, turn* comes to mind. I think I’m tired and nailed it on the head. No offense mate I’m shite at reading and commenting on other blogs as much as I’d like, and I’m still not working on my book nearly enough. Also, I literally cannot follow any runners.

    But yes ditto that regarding chocolate and having more carbs though I do stick with whole grains. One thing to consider might a be sleep apnea test. They can be done and home now. But won’t test your brain like in a lab. Course that presumes you’re going to bed at a societally approved reasonable hour, which I assume you are because you’re a stand-up citizen and have a job.

    Certainly weather can be a big bumner. When I lived in Seattle it was a major downer for me to have all that grey amdnrain. Being a Texan eventually after three years I gave it up and came south back to central America then here again.

    Anyway I hope you figure out.the energy thing. Me as well as I have no job but certainly must get one despite a lot of resistance. One other thing to consider is JamesClear.com (maybe you read Atomic Habits? He has a nifty weekly short email newsletter, too.) He talks a lot about bypassing motivation and doing it anyway. I pretty much always feel better once I get out there on bike or walking.

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